So work has been crazy. I’ve tried so long to not complain about work, but I’m going to go ahead and complain about work. I’m tired of being here 12 hours a day just to do work that is essentially spinning my wheels. I’m sick of looking out the window at the sunny weather while I sit at my computer. I’m sick of making plans that I have to cancel. I’m sick of not even being able to make plans because I have no idea what time I’m going to be allowed to go.
The bright spot continues to be the people that I work with. Their sense of humor and camaraderie is what is getting me through these past few
weeks months. Since the weather was nice yesterday, we ate lunch outside. We got to talking about cartwheels and handstands and all the tricks we could and could not do in our old age.
Embarrassing truth: I’ve never been able to do a cartwheel.
A couple of the girls were still able to pull one off, handstands as well. They had done them so much when they were younger it was engrained in their muscle memory. I know I have enough strength to do one, but my body does not know how. Is it possible to learn to do one when you are 25? I’m going to try.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, how when we are kids, we are so much less hesitant to push ourselves physically. Skateboarding? Try it. Flips? Get on the diving board and see. No big deal if you fall – skinned knees are something to brag about. Wounds heal.
I’m not sure when this started changing for me, but I remember going skiing when I was 22 and seriously bracing myself for a crash every time some went past. What the hell happened? I used to fly straight down the mountain, my lack of braking ability be damned. Why was I so anxious and scared?
Ok, there are some legitimate reasons for holding yourself back as an adult, but lately I’ve been rebelling against all things adult-like. I don’t want to loose my sense of fun and adventure and the thrill of doing something that you aren’t sure you can actually do. I’ve got Peter Pan Syndrome.
So I’ve been working on my cartwheels and handstands and trying to learn to fall gracefully. I also got on my friend’s longboard a few days ago. These are small, stupid things, but they are helping me stay young. I don’t ever want the fear of falling to hold me back.